abahHakeem

Huh…lama tul dah tak create entry kat blog FS nih.  Kesibukan yang amat melampau telah membuatkan aku malas untuk tulis apa2 dlm blog nih.  Sepanjang aku tak menulis dalam blog nih dah bermacam-macam isu berlaku dalam negara kita nih. Dgn PRU baru nih keputusan yang amat memberangsangkanlah, dgn isu DSAI meliwatlah, dgn isu mubahalah Saiful la, dgn harga minyak naik la…mcm2 hal la. But i am not going to touch anything about those things sbb kita sumer leh dapat maklumat cerita tu samada dari harakahdaily/tranungkite atau dari utusan/tv3/rtm dan malaysiakini. Fikir bnyk2 pasal perkara tu sumer boleh buat kita fening lah….fening….

Dlm hidup ni kdg2 kita di’reject’ dan kita di’ignore’.  Dan kdg2 pulak, kita yang me’reject’ dan meng’ignore’…tak gitu?  Tak kisahlah kan…itu dah jadi lumrah dlm hidup ni. Tapi aku heran sbb ada sesetgh org yg perlukan org berada bersama dia bila ada kepentingan peribadi je. Tak pun dia nak berkawan dgn seseorg tu bila org tu sama taraf dgn dia je. Kenapa ek ada org mcm ni dlm Dunia ni?  Dorang tak sedar ke yg kita dijadikan sebagai khalifah dlm Dunia ni sebenarnya mempunyai kedudukan yg sama je di sisi Allah SWT dan yg membezakan kita hanyalah iman dan taqwa je. Kalau setakat ada jawatan, kedudukan, harta dan kuasa yang hebat tapi sombong, bongkak, angkuh dan takabur…agak2 di mana dia pada pandangan Allah SWT?

Aku ada kenal sorang tu, dia ni hebat orgnya…ada company sendiri dan terlibat dgn projek ratusan ribu ringgit di sebelah Selatan negara kita ni. Tapi dia tak sombong dan suka bantu org. Kira duit bukan masalah bagi dia…nama dia Nazri; kawan sekolah aku kat SM La Salle PJ dulu.  Aku pun naik segan nak berjumpa dgn dia. Lagi sorang kawan aku org India, dok kat Perak nun. Ada company sendiri gak dan buat projek IT. Mamat ni pun mmg baik dan dah berkali-kali ajak aku join company dia. Nama dia Raches; kawan aku kat SAL College SJ dulu. On the other hand, aku juga ada kenal sorang tu…taklah hebat sgt tapi berjawatan la jugak.  Tapi bukan main sombong lagi…nama dia…huhuhu…mana leh tulis dlm ni, tak elok. Dia ni senyum pun jarang, muka serius je…kdg2 sungguh ketat sekali muka dia.  Dan last sekali, aku ada kenal sorang tu jugak, dia ni taklah hebat sgt…SPM pun kantoi, keje pun asyik tukar2 je. Tapi dia ni suka sgt berlakon hebat. Cakap pun pung pang pung pang semacam je tapi sebenarnya taklah sehebat apa yg dia cakapkan.

So…personaliti tu sumer ada di sekeliling kita. Which one of those we prefer? And which one of those yg kita akan jadi bila kita berada di tpt mereka?  Dont ever say that kita takkan jadi sombong ke atau akan jadi baik ke…dont ever say that sbb kita blom lagi diuji dgn berada di tpt mereka. Kita hanya mampu berdoa je agar kita ni tak jadi sombong dan angkuh dgn apa yg ada dlm tgn kita. Aku bkn apa, aku tulis ni sebenarnya tgh sakit hati kat beberapa org ni. Dorang tu bila buat aku mcm dorang dah lama kenal aku. Mcm dorang dah tau apa yg aku lalui dlm hidup aku. Dlm ertikata lain dorang buat kesimpulan sendiri ttg diri aku. Ye la…bila rumahtangga kita ni dah tinggal tangga je kan…mcm2 la org yg ada penyakit dlm hati dia cakap.  "Ni mesti suami tak btggjwb ni"…"ni mst kaki pompuan ni"…the later is the worst. To those people listen to me now…aku tak peduli apa korang kata dan korang takde hak nak kata apa2 ttg diri aku. Nak kenal aku mcmn, dtg rapat dgn aku. Bila aku dah tunjuk kat korang segala attitude aku mcmn, then only korang ada hak nak kata apa2 ttg aku. Aku heran sesetgh manusia kan…dia tak pernah pun kawan dgn org tu, tak pernah pun cuba mengenali org tu tapi memandai-mandai je kata something yg tak kena langsung dgn org tu. Ingat…people may seem arrogant but they can be the other way around…and people may seem so nice but they are not as nice as they look like.

Morale nya di sini, aku harap aku dan kita sumer tak kata sesuatu ttg sesiapa pun kalau kita tak pernah kenal seseorg tu, tak pernah pun bekerja dgn org tu dan tak pernah ada apa2 urusan pun dgn org tu. "Dont judge a book by its cover"; kata omputih.

I miss mySon Hakeem. 

Selamat Menyambut Tahun 2008 semua.  2007 is leaving us.  Alhamdulillah…for me, 2007 meant a lot. In 2007, too many things i went thru; i was down, i let people down, happy, sad, a lot of ups and downs; but after all life must go on.  I apologize to the people (many of them) who I let them down and I thank the people who made me happy.  I appreciate all of you who are always there for me, especially the one who has the same day and month of birth with me.  You made me smile again, you made me love again.  Just remember the song by Hanson I gave to you, okay. 

Next year mySon Hakeem will start his learning at Masjid Wilayah.  It is going to be a new life for him and I hope and pray that everything will go really smooth for mySon Hakeem. Abah is here for you son…come what may…we will go through it together, Insya Allah.

As for myself, next year I will finish my study at UKM, Insya Allah.  I went thru my study at UKM with a lot of things lingering in my head.  My CG is not so good but I will make it anyway, Insya Allah.  Yeah…you know, what do you expect from a student who always skip classes like me huh? High CG?  Naahh….Boss has come to me several times asking about it.  That makes me afraid sometimes and i dont know why.  Maybe I am afraid if she put a high expectation from me. 

Personal relationship?  I leave it to Allah SWT about this. She is a good person but only Allah knows either I am good for her or not.  Maka Istikarah adalah lebih baik.  Minta Allah tunjukkan jalan yang terbaik untuk kita semua.  Itulah kelemahan kita sebagai hamba yang tak tahu apa yang ada di hadapan kita.  Maka berserahlah untuk menang (Dewa - Hadapi Dengan Senyuman); thats just what we should do!

I miss hakeem so much…

Tgk tajuk tu korang jgn salah faham plak.  Bukan aku dah nak kawin semula tapi saat bahagia tu adalah hari Jumaat (05/10/07) nnt bilamana aku Insya Allah akan dpt bawa hakeem balik ke rumah hingga hari Isnin.  Ptg tadi sedang aku sibuk bekerja aku dpt panggilan dari peguam aku.  Dia bagitau yg mai benarkan aku amik Hakeem hari Jumaat nanti.  Alhamdulillah…syukur kepada Allah SWT yg membuka hati mai utk membenarkan aku amik Hakeem.  Trima kasih kepada cik Siti Fatimah, dan Puan Salwa. I dont know either i should thank mai or not since last month dia nafikan hak aku bukan hanya utk bawa Hakeem pulang tapi dia juga nafikan hak aku utk mengetahui di mana Hakeem sepanjang dia ke Mekah. Tapi atas dasar Hablum Minallah wa Hablum Minannas, aku dgn ini membuka pintu hati aku seluas-luasnya mengucapkan jutaan terima kasih kepada mai juga.  Thank you ibuHakeem for letting me take Hakeem home.

Hmm…hari Sabtu nnt aku nak bawak Hakeem gi beli baju jalan utk raya.  Baju Melayu Hakeem aku dah beli siap2 dah masa gi Dungun hari tu.  Pastu aku nak bawak Hakeem balik kampung jumpa sepupu2 dia yg lain.  Alhamdulillah, sepupu Hakeem yg belajar tahfiz di Kelantan nnt pun akan pulang ke rumah hari Jumaat nnt.  So this is going to be the biggest gathering ever when everybody will be there at Kerling.  Alhamdulillah…

It’s been a while since my last post.  Been very busy lately.  I dont know whats wrong with me but my stomach aches like crazy.  Since a week before ramadhan, i have been feeling really painful in my stomach.  My "someone" advised me to go for a MC but I am so stubborn so till now i havent met the doctor…

Okay…aku tau agak lewat utk aku cerita ttg Almarhumah Adik Nurin tapi we all have something to learn about it.  Bagi aku, ini adalah satu petunjuk daripada Allah SWT betapa aku masih lagi bertuah kerana masih dpt bertemu dgn Hakeem.  Walaupun terpaksa melalui peguam dan melalui karenah2 seorg manusia, tapi aku masih berpeluang utk berjumpa dgn Hakeem.  Last week aku minta dari Mai utk aku ambil hakeem dari hari Jumaat (28/09/07) hingga Ahad (30/09/07) tapi dia tak bagi dan dia mengikut kata peguam mai, dia kata mai masih di Mekah waktu tu.  Tapi masa aku gi umah mai hari Isnin lalu, maid mai kata mai dah balik ke KL pada 25/09/07 yg lalu.  Aku tak pasti siapa yg jadi al-kazzab…

Hari Isnin lalu (01/10/07) aku pergi ke rumah mai utk berjumpa dgn hakeem.   
Masa aku smp di rumah mai, aku bagi salam dan panggil nama hakeem.  Dari dlm rumah aku dgr hakeem panggil "ABAH!!" dan hakeem sendiri yg buka pintu umah tu.  Hakeem kuar tak kata apa dah…trus amik selipar dia kat tpt kasut dan terus meluru ke arah aku.  Tapi sygnya pintu grill rumah mai menghalang aku dari peluk dan cium hakeem.  Hakeem cuma dakap bahu aku dgn grill di antara kami.  Hakeem tepuk2 bahu aku dan minta grill dibuka.  Tapi maid mai tak berani nak buka grill tu kerana takut akan dimarahi oleh mai.  Jelas mai tak izinkan aku bawa hakeem keluar…

Akhirnya aku pun kata pada Hakeem yg abah terpaksa pergi sebab nak ke kelas.  Hakeem mnangis sambil kata "nak abah…nak ikut abah pergi pasar…".  Maid mai pun mnangis dan aku pulak terpaksa telan air liur tgk dorang mnangis.  Maid mai minta maaf pada aku sbb dia tak berani nak buka grill. Sekali lagi aku kata pada Hakeem yg "kita lelaki kena kuat…takmo mnangis. Allah ada".  Hakeem faham apa yg aku cakap…dgn airmata yg meleleh kat pipi dia, Hakeem hanya anggukkan kepala.  Aku hulurkan tgn di celah2 grill utk salam Hakeem…Hakeem menyambut tgn aku dan diciumnya tgn aku sambil airmata dia masih meleleh di pipi.  Aku tanya Hakeem, "syg abah tak?"…dlm sedu Hakeem anggukkan kepala dan kata "nak abaaahhh".  Aku cakap lagi pada Hakeem yg ibu tak izinkan abah bawa Hakeem kuar dan abah akan cuba minta dari ibu supaya benarkan abah ambil Hakeem hari Jumaat (05/10/07) nnt.  Lepas tu aku beredar ke lif utk turun ke bawah sambil Hakeem trus dibawa masuk ke rumah oleh maid mai.  Masa aku nak masuk lif…masih dgr suara Hakeem menangis sambil kata "nak abaaaahhh"…Meruntun hati betul bila dgr suara Hakeem mcm tu…tapi aku tetap cekal kerana bagi aku alangkah beruntungnya aku dan Hakeem diuji sehebat ini.

Berbalik pada cerita Almarhumah Adik Nurin tadi…jika dibandingkan dgn apa yg aku hadapi, org tua Adik Nurin lebih teruji.  Maka pastinya aku tetap bersyukur dgn pluang yg masih Allah berikan kepada aku utk bertemu dgn Hakeem. 

"La in syakartum la azii dannakum, wa la in kafartum, inna azabi la syadid" - jika kamu bersyukur nnt Allah akan tambah nikmatnya, tapi jika kamu kufur, ingatlah bhwsanya azab Allah itu amat pedih.  Aku faham benar dgn ayat ni…thx to my friend Patin yg ajarkan aku ayat ni.

Pada 24/09/07 lalu sepatutnya bicara di mahkamah tapi terpaksa ditangguh sebab mai masih tiada di Malaysia (mngikut kata mailah…aku pun tak tahu betul ke tak).  Tarikh bicara seterusnya ialah 17/01/08 which means i have to wait more than 3 months for the trial.  Sakit beb nak tunggu…Apa2 pun, setiap kesusahan akan diiringi oleh kesenangan.  Ini janji Allah…maka perkataan siapakah yg lebih baik dari ayat2 Robbul Jalil, Allah SWT?

Hmm…1 year and 2 mths after the tragedy, i am still breathing and alive.  Alhamdulillah, i am a lot more stronger now and what i’ve been through taught me the true meaning of life.  It is a matter of fact that life is absolutely NOT easy.  Some people believe in this misconception of life when they think that "life will be really interesting and perfect when you have all the worldly properties in your hands".  Wait….think again.  Is that so? If it is, then why are they so many rich people who we think are having a good life but they are a lot more unhappy than we are indeed?  In the other hand, why are the people who live in such a poor environment still can smile and tell us that they are really happy?  I have been thinking about this for a little while and i found that those rich people(not all of them of course) out there, they have empty hearts…it is like a hardware without a software installed inside…they have no love, sympathy and care.  They are too busy chasing and earning this world until they forgot what is the objective Allah SWT created them and they also forgot to enjoy what they have already gathered in their hands.  They always want more and more and more until they end up with opened mouth seeing other people are enjoying what they have gathered for their whole life.  Come on…wake up from your bluffing dream now…material is not everything but the real property in this life is L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O-V-E…i talk about love (yes this comes from a song that i dont what the title is :P  ).

Hmm…sebenarnya nak cite pasal mlepaskan org yg kita sayang tadi ni.  Terlajak masuk chapter lain pulak.  Takpelah ekkk….  Alright I want to share with you my experience letting someone i love go.  When my co-pilot sending her resignation letter for a period of almost 2 years i feel like this world is closing down on me and there’s nowhere of breaking free (yes..this one comes from the song called "When I See You Smile" by Bad English…huhu…).  But it is true…it is so true that when we are about to let someone we love go, it hurts like hell.  Thats what i feel back in 16th June 2006.  I thought i would never be able to live this life any longer but what happened was the other way around because i knew she was the one who asked for a divorce and she was grieving living with me…so as someone who love her I thought I should help her put the pain away and the only way to do that was to let her go.  That painful day we went to the court and i ended our marriage with heart full of frustration and half-willingness. 

if((she(comesBack))&&(she(changed)))
   accept();

if (she(comesBackButNotChanged))
   printf("I dont think so");

Programmers should understand this simple code as non-programmers can understand this very easily.]

After a while, i started to realize that that wont happen and at that time i  realized that all the pain that i have gone through have made me stronger.  And guess what…now i just dont care if she wants to come back to me or not.  I have stopped being a desperado (okay…you are right…this one comes from a song by The Eagles titled "Desperado"), no more waiting for the uncertainty and i hope that everything will work out fine for me and hakeem. 

I think thats all.  And as for the morale of the story, when we lose someone we love we will surely suffer for a period of time but if we are strong and patient enough, we will be able to get rid of it and Insya Allah it will make us a stronger person.  Dont let your weaknesses show, just hide them as deep as you can.  And i believe that when you let go someone you love for her happiness and it is by her request, you will be more and more happier than her because you have fulfilled her last request before you let her go which means that you are the one who does a good deed by letting her go and she is the one who does a bad deed by asking you to let her go.  Be happy now when you know you are on the right side.